Venting session...just a warning

So, this is for me to vent...I already typed it once and it deleted...so now I'm REALLY ready to vent...
Just a warning...I very well may offend some of you...so just know you were warned.
So, here we go...Ok so some of you may know that Gage has been receiving Early Intervention services for about 8 months now. He gets speech therapy, special instruction and occupational therapy.They have helped alot. Gage actually is signing "more" for when he wants something and is learning others. He is also starting to speak alot more. He still is not speaking like an average 2 year old, be hes talking. On the suggestion of his therapists we took Gage to a developmental evaluation in Albany. Justin and I both had an idea of what the specialist would say, because we have been doing tons of research on all types of speech delays and sensory issues. We of course were just hoping for the best, like anyone would. Suprisingly the specialist was able to diagnosis him that day. She has seen TONS of kids, so she knows what shes doing. We weren't really prepaired for the answer..even though we expected it.
Gage was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is also called PDD-NOS. Which is a fancy medical way of saying, "Yes, your son is autistic but we dont not the severity yet, so here...use this fancy term until we can figure it out". Now like I said, Justin and I expected it because we have done alot of research on stuff but we were in no way prepaired for it. I mean he does have some traits, not all. He does spin wheels, has poor eye contact, has non-purposeful play and when around others, likes to observe them rather than play in most cases. Then again though, he loves to cuddle, is very affectionate , very active, and will interact with people sometimes-depends on the person.
Now...here is where the offending starts, so you might want to stop reading...
I am angry...very angry
Now, logically I know it could be MUCH, MUCH worse...but no parent wants their child to have a hard booger let alone autism. I dont mean at all that we have it harder than anyone. It could of course be much worse, Gage could be disabled physically, or who knows what else. I would never say that we are so horribly worse off, because the fact of the matter is we arnt. We have a happy, loving little boy that has pretty good health. Still though...I am so angry that such a happy, loving, innocent, darn good looking, good natured, curious little boy has to have this. What in the heck did he do to deserve it? Not a thing! Why is it that some cracked up hooker can have perfectly "normal" babies that she doesnt even care about, she just wants her goverment money. She can have 15 kids that she doesnt give a crap about, she just wants her surplus cheese and check and those poor kids are healthy. Then Gage, who has parents that want him more than anything has this happen. I know, I know...this could be why it happend, because we would actually put in the effort for Gage where as Crack Momma wouldnt, but still...how fair is that?
Now, I dont mean any offence to those of you that pray, or believe in some sort of relgion...believe what you want to believe and I hope it helps you...I have been told a few times "Oh, you should pray, that will help" Well...no disrespect to those of you that do, but you know what I say to that? Bullcrap and a big HELL NO! I have no belief in any higher power...any tiny bit that I had in me is gone. Maybe I'm too cynical, and this is why I warned you in the beginning of this blog. If there is some higher power up there, some god then why did this happen? Why pray, its already been done. If there is some god up there then this wouldnt have happend to an innocent, loving child. I know some say "Oh there is a plan for everyone, blah blah blah" well...tell me, is this "plan" include the possiblity that Gage may never live up to his potental? He may never go to his own prom, be a football all-star, date a hot cheerleader and give me gorgeous grandbabies? Is that the plan? Or is the plan that Gage may never say his wants and needs, he may never say "Mommy, I love you". Is that the plan, is that fair? I dont think so, not fair at all. So your plan can bite my pale butt. I think this god needs to get better instructions for this "plan" because is seems to be that some of the blueprints are missing. Again, I dont mean any offence to those of you that believe, if you have faith great for you, I just have none. I have lost it all. No offence to the crack mommas out there too...get all the money you can, keep pumping out those kids. I just know what its not right, someone so wonderful should have do deal with this. I mean, look at Gage...seriouslly, look at him. Hes adorable, I know it, you know it...I dont mean to sound cocky, but you cant look at him and not think hes adorable. Is that why this has happend? He is so darn cute that something on the inside had to give? Well...I'd rather take an imperfection...give the kid a wart or something! Live his brain alone! Why does such a little guy have to have such a mysterious disorder? It isnt fair and I'm angry.
Now, maybe it is too soon to think things, but I cant help it. The fact is, Gage is too young to know where on the spectrum he falls. The specialist did say that he is very intelligent. She is hopeful that is could be a very mild case. She did say he was on the milder sided of the spectrum. She also said that because we started services so young and because he is so smart that is could become Asbergers of Gage could even outgrow it all together. Of course thats what were are hoping for, but the opposite could happen too. He could decline and go on the other side of the spectrum. Thats the scarry part, we dont know. Justin and I have read alot on it, and soon will be trying a special diet that is thought to help autisic children. It is a gluten-free/casesin-free diet. I have read on it, and it seems do-able. Even it if isnt, its for Gage and we're going to help him however we can.
So, for now we are just working with Gage and trying to improve his vocabulary and social skills. I just dont want anyone to treat him differently. I think I would have to beat someone that did. He is still Gage. Still playful, funny cute as can be Gage. I dont want him labeled, he doesnt deserve the judgement that comes with it.
Sorry if I did offend with any of my god rant, but its just how I feel right now. I dont want sympathy, I dont think Gage needs pity. I just felt the need to vent a little. He would love some play dates-the socialization would be good for him, and me too...so let me know. I personally would love a play date...even if there wernt any kids there :o)